he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
