you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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