It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
