I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
