Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize