The maid of honor just puked.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
