You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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