I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
