People with herpes should wear stickers.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
