Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
