i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
