i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
