party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
