maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
