i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize