i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
