I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
