Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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