Soap is not a condiment
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
