Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
