I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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