Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
