I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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