Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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