I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
