It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
