it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
