God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just gargled with NyQuil
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
