if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
