Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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