Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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