there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
as a side note pls kill me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize