if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
