"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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