Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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