Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
