Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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