Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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