How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
