see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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