How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
