can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
