goodnight i made you a song goodbye
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
