You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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