Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
