nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
