i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
