Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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