all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Even my vagina gasped.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
