im having a threesome with these popsicles
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
His nipple licking is glorious
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