I bet he comes in French.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
