I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
