1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i think my cat just said my name.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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