Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize