You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize