Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
