I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
