I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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