if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize