some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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