when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
