It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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