i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You were trust falling into bushes
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize