i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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