So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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