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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You smell like stripper and shame
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
