is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
