It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
nutella sex= disaster
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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