I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
