a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize