To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
