i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
