i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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