It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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