My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
