my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize