Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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