She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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