haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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