so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Alive.
So much puke
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
