Only a mothe r could love this liver
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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