you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
