i barfeds in our rink
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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