Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
