apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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