3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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