What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
