my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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