if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
