I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
