someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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