We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
