i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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