sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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