google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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