its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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