sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize