just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
