i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
