sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
