he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
