I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
