guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
