Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize