oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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