someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
