Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
