Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
