i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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