The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
