I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
