I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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