I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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