can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize